1.Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. 2.At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer. 3.Any system which depends on h瓧?瓨

1. A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED... We are still pissing in the wind. 2. EXTENSIVE REPORT IS BEING PREPARED ON A FRESH APPROACH TO THE PROBLEM... We just hired three kids fresh out of college. 3. CLOSE PROJECT COORDINATION... We kn瓧?瓨

1.Their company logo is two tin cans and a length of string. 2.You check out their address, and it's a phone booth containing a Compaq portable and an acoustic coupler. 3. Their chief technical officer lives in a 10-foot-by-7-foot shack in the woods. 瓧?瓨

Some folks have it, some don't. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off. Those who have it think that those who don't are somehow inferior. Those who don't have it may agree that it's neat, but think that it's not worth the fuss瓧?瓨

MAGAZINES: Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and shouldn't be seen by the ligh瓧?瓨

1. Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop 2. Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Sponge 3. Dressing Up: Beyond the Funeral and the Wedding 4. Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead 5. Design Pattern or Spla瓧?瓨

Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on one's enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself. Screwdriver - The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage you d瓧?瓨

This couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out into town and party, so he says to his new bride, "Honey, I'll be right back..." "Where are you going coochi cooh...?" asks his wife. "I'm go瓧?瓨

A driver is stopped by a police officer. The driver asks, "What's the problem officer?" Officer: "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone." Man: "No sir, I was going 65." Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80." (The man gives his wife a dirty look.) Officer瓧?瓨

1. Don't call, ever. 2. If you don't like a girl, don't tell her. It's more fun to let her figure it out by herself. 3. Lie. 4. lie. 5. If you lose something that belongs to someone else, tell them you mailed it to them. 6. Here's a good pickup li瓧?瓨

"IT'S A GUY THING" Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical." "CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?" Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?" "UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES瓧?瓨

How many witches does it take to change a Light bulb? Depends on what you want it changed into... How many T.V. evangelists does it take to change a Light bulb? One. But for the message of hope to continue to go forth, send in your tax-deductible dona瓧?瓨