1. Let's wash the car. 2. Has anybody seen the sideburn trimmer? 3. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken. 4. You can't feed that to the dog. 5. That's enough ketchup on those eggs. 6. No kids in the back of the pickup! 7. Wrasslin's fake. 8. T瓧?瓨

1. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store. 2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day. 3. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap. 4. Leave cryptic messages on the typewrite瓧?瓨

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off. 2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers. 3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, 'Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!' 4. Wh瓧?瓨

1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. 2. No need to sit when you pee. 3. You know stuff about tanks. 4. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. 5. Monday Night Football. 6. Tools. 7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter. 8. You瓧?瓨

1. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra? 2. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? 3. How is it possible to have a civil war? 4. If God dropped acid, would he see people? 5. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown 瓧?瓨

If your e-mail address ends in ".over.yonder.com" If you connect to the World Wide Web via a "Down Home Page" If the bumper sticker on your truck says "My other computer is a laptop" If your laptop has a sticker that says "Protected by Smith and Wess瓧?瓨

10.When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are giving you the finger. 9.The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp. 8.The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in the heat. 7.The Zoo瓧?瓨

1. They start paying everyone in sea shells. 2. The Dairy Queen on the corner is threatening a hostile takeover. 3. When you say, "See you tomorrow," the watchman laughs uncontrollably. 4. The chairman walks by your desk and says, "Hey, Hey! Easy on t瓧?瓨

For those sheltered few of you who are not fully aware of the Darwin Awards. These awards are given annually to those individuals who did the most for the human gene pool by removing themselves from it. Darwin Award winners eliminate themselves in an ex瓧?瓨

They have finally been released! For those not familiar with the Darwin Award, It's an annual honor given to the person who provided the universal human gene pool the biggest service by getting killed in the most extraordinarily stupid way. As always, co瓧?瓨

Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five-dollar cars that get 1,000 miles to the gallon." In response to瓧?瓨

The Work Virus This is serious ... a "WORK" virus is on the loose... If you receive any sort of "work" at all, whether via e-mail, Internet, or simply handed to you by a colleague ... DO NOT OPEN IT! The "work" virus has been circulating round our buildin瓧?瓨