1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up, put it down. 3. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. 4. Get rid of your cat. 5. Sunday = TV Sports. 6. Anything you wear is fine瓧?瓨

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A: With any luck, right after he finishes college. Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu? A: If it's the flu, you'll get better. Q: What is the most common pregnancy crav瓧?瓨

That swimsuit really flatters your figure! Would you mind keeping my husband company while I go for a swim? Oh, look, that woman and I have the same dress on! I think I'll go introduce myself! His new girlfriend is thinner and better-looking than I am,瓧?瓨

10. Cats' facial expressions. 9. The need for the same style of shoe in different colors. 8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds. 7. Fat clothes. 6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your last time. 5. The difference between beige, off-whi瓧?瓨

1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse to answer. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, Put it down. 3. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guy瓧?瓨

MALE PROCEDURE 1. Drive up to cash machine. 2. Wind down your car window 3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN 4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw 5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt 6. Wind up window 7. Drive off. FEMALE PROCEDURE 1.瓧?瓨

1. Whine 2. When asked if something is bothering you, you reply no. Then get mad when you are believed. 3. Become attracted to someone because he is outgoing and loves parties, start dating him and immediately expect him to stop this behavior. 4. 瓧?瓨

her nickname is "DAMN" she eats Wheat Thicks. people jog around her for exercise. she went to the movies and sat next to everyone. she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors. when she sits in the classroom, she sits beside everybody. she was瓧?瓨

it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes she got a peep hole in a glass door. you asked what's for dinner, she put her feet on the table and said corn! she went to the drug store and asked for marijuana she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" beca瓧?瓨

she went into an hunted house and came out with an application when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals." she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning. even Freddy Krueger has nightmares of her. they push her fa瓧?瓨

old, I told her to act her own age, and she died. poor, when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving." nasty, her hairy armpits look like she's got Buckwheat in a headlock. ugly, when she puts her fa瓧?瓨

A husband and wife entered the dentist's office. The husband said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible." "You're a brave man," said the dentist. "Now, show me whi瓧?瓨