it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes she got a peep hole in a glass door. you asked what's for dinner, she put her feet on the table and said corn! she went to the drug store and asked for marijuana she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" beca瓧?瓨

she went into an hunted house and came out with an application when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals." she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning. even Freddy Krueger has nightmares of her. they push her fa瓧?瓨

old, I told her to act her own age, and she died. poor, when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving." nasty, her hairy armpits look like she's got Buckwheat in a headlock. ugly, when she puts her fa瓧?瓨

A husband and wife entered the dentist's office. The husband said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible." "You're a brave man," said the dentist. "Now, show me whi瓧?瓨

How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb? * That depends on whether it has health insurance. * None. They just tell it to take two aspirin and come round to the surgery later. * None. They only sign the death certificate and phone the mortua瓧?瓨

A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. He hasn't been feeling well and wants to find out if he's ill. After the checkup the doctor comes out with the results of the examination. "I'm afraid I have some bad news. You're dying and you don't have m瓧?瓨

"Doctor, I have an ear ache." 2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root." 1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer." 1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion." 1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill." 1985 A.D. - 瓧?瓨

A fellow walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. He said, "Shingles." So she took down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat. A few minutes later a nurse's aid came out and asked him what瓧?瓨

A lady rushes into the veterinarian and screams, "I found my dog unconscious and I can't wake him -- do something." The vet lays the dog on the examination table and after a few simple tests he says, "I'm sorry, I don't feel a pulse, I'm afraid your dog i瓧?瓨

Oops! Has anyone seen my watch? That was some party last night. I can't remember when I've been that drunk. Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing! Well this book doesn't say that... What edition is your manual? OK, now take a picture from this angle. T瓧?瓨

Three doctors are in the duck blind and a bird flies overhead. The general practitioner looks at it and says, "Looks like a duck, flies like a duck... it's probably a duck," shoots at it but misses and the bird flies away. The next bird flies overhead, an瓧?瓨

Your favorite hallucinogen is exhaustion. Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you. You think that caffeine should be available in IV form. You get an almost irresistible urge to stand and wolf your food even in the 瓧?瓨