The father was reading the school-report which had just been handed to him by his hopeful son. His brow was wrathful as he read: "English, poor, Franch, weak, mathematics, fair," and he gave a glance of disgust at the quaking lad. "Well, dad." said the so瓧?瓨

Boy: Dad, when I grow up I want to e an Arctic explorer. Father: That's fine, Bill. Boy: But I want to go into training at once. Father: Hoe so? Boy: Well, I want a dollae a day for icecream so I'll get used to the cold

Sunday School teacher: Hands up all those who want to go to Heaven? Hands up...what about you, Terry? You haven't got your hand up, don't you want to go to Heaven? Terry: I can't. My mum told me to go straight home.

A mother bought her son a $100 Halloween costume to scare his friends. "Should I take the price tag off?" the boy asked. "Leave it on." his mother replied. "We'll scare your father too."

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up, put it down. 3. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. 4. Get rid of your cat. 5. Sunday = TV Sports. 6. Anything you wear is fine瓧?瓨

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A: With any luck, right after he finishes college. Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu? A: If it's the flu, you'll get better. Q: What is the most common pregnancy crav瓧?瓨

That swimsuit really flatters your figure! Would you mind keeping my husband company while I go for a swim? Oh, look, that woman and I have the same dress on! I think I'll go introduce myself! His new girlfriend is thinner and better-looking than I am,瓧?瓨

10. Cats' facial expressions. 9. The need for the same style of shoe in different colors. 8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds. 7. Fat clothes. 6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your last time. 5. The difference between beige, off-whi瓧?瓨

1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse to answer. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, Put it down. 3. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guy瓧?瓨

MALE PROCEDURE 1. Drive up to cash machine. 2. Wind down your car window 3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN 4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw 5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt 6. Wind up window 7. Drive off. FEMALE PROCEDURE 1.瓧?瓨

1. Whine 2. When asked if something is bothering you, you reply no. Then get mad when you are believed. 3. Become attracted to someone because he is outgoing and loves parties, start dating him and immediately expect him to stop this behavior. 4. 瓧?瓨

her nickname is "DAMN" she eats Wheat Thicks. people jog around her for exercise. she went to the movies and sat next to everyone. she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors. when she sits in the classroom, she sits beside everybody. she was瓧?瓨